Birds and Bees Do It

Musicians do it, symphonies do it even the birds and bees do it, let’s do it, let’s collaborate. Collaborate,this week’s word. 

As I googled the terms “best Collaborations” and “worst Collaborations” it resulted in some hilarious musical misfits. Eddie Murphy and Michael Jackson; Bing Crosby and David Bowie; David Bowie and Mick Jagger. 

There was one titled best duets of all time. It’s an eclectic mix -- there are three Nancy Sinatra duets!

The most poignant one (and apropos for this week) is a brief clip of Bob Dylan and Joan Baez at the March on Washington in1963 -- you can scroll through this clip here. It's number 8.  

There's such beauty in this collaboration. Not just with Baez and Dylan, but the collaboration of the stage participants, the collaboration of the marchers --- all there to make a statement in a peaceful, yet powerful way. The longer version is here.

Collaboration can happen unexpectedly. As it did during King’s famous speech. According to CNN Reporters, Jim Polk and Alicia Stewart (and an example of collaborative writing) in an article about 9 things about MLK's famous “I Have a Dream” speech, they write: 

King was the last speaker to address the crowd in Washington that day. As he spoke, gospel singer Mahalia Jackson called out to King, "Tell 'em about the dream, Martin." Then he paused and said, "I still have a dream."

Planned or not planned, I love collaboration. There is a euphoria when I work with a group and we collaborate. I’m also guilty of not being collaborative. It’s usually when my ego gets in the way. I wonder what great collaborations I missed. 

I can’t help myself but end today’s blog on an up note. I don’t know why, every month or so, this tune pops in my head and I start laughing to myself.

Please enjoy Eddie Murphy as Stevie Wonder and Joe Piscopo as Frank Sinatra doing their special rendition of Ebony and Ivory. 

Enjoy and Collaborate.  

Civility, Washington and Ruth

We need a lot more of it. It is sometimes confused as boring, but I think if there was more civility in this world, it would be in a better place. Welcome to this week’s word, Civility. 

One place a dash of civility could be helpful would be in Congress.  As we near another debt ceiling crisis, perhaps a bit of civility may help solve the problems. But, do our Senators and Representatives know how to be civil?

It seems to me that Etiquette -- its history and modern day practices -- which is a hobby of mine, is a big part of being civil. It’s fascinating to me how things have changed in this realm-- some for the better. I can’t imagine having wear gloves with every outfit, especially on 90+ degree days. Stockings, yuck! But there are some rules that never change. 

As I was writing this, I vaguely remembered a book on civility that I purchased years ago. Thankfully I put all of my etiquette books together, so it was easy to find. It’s a book by George Washington called “Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation." 

Though the language in this slender booklet is very old fashioned, there wasn’t one rule that didn’t contain a germ of truth.  

According to a description of the book, “The rules focus on self-respect and respect for others through details of etiquette.” These rules got him successfully through a revolution, birth of a nation and two presidential terms.

Washington’s opening rule: “Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present.” Hmm. A good rule. A rule that doesn’t go out of style. 

Washington discovered these rules when he was a teen. He copied them as a penmanship exercise.  

Can’t you envision a young Washington sitting at a wooden table with a goose-feather quill pen, probably by candlelight, dutifully copying these 110 rules traced back to French Jesuits? These were rules he lived by for the rest of his life. A successful life. A memorable life.

When I first started writing this entry, I thought, wouldn’t it be fun to ask everyone who is reading this post to send a copy of Washington’s book to Senate Leader Harry Reid and House Speaker John Baynor for them to read and share with all of their colleagues. 

Then I thought, wouldn’t it be better if we purchase a few as gifts to those who are in grammar school. Those who may be our future leaders?   

Having said all that, there are times where being uncivil is appropriate. However, there are few caveats if you choose to misbehave:

• You have to be doing something for the greater good, not personal gain
• You have to be smarter than everyone in the room, I mean really be smart, not just think you’re smart
• You have to have researched your passion and know, really know your subject

In my career, I was fortunate to meet a phenomenal woman, Ruth Rothstein, who could’ve been considered uncivil. But she had to. When she started on her journey to being the leader in bringing affordability and accessibility to healthcare, women were not taken seriously. Their roles were typically homemakers or secretaries. 

To forge ahead, Rothstein had to be disruptive. She already knew her subject manner. It seems like that came easy to her. What didn’t come easy was the respect of the men in her peer group. So, she had to call it like she saw it.  

She called men SOBs when warranted, she used the f word when needed, and disregarded naysayers.  She shocked people and did it well. And, she succeeded.  

Using Rothstein’s example, if you’re not making headway with your cause or passion, being uncivil can be powerful. Remember, to be effective, you will need to be smarter than everyone in the room, and know your subject from every angle.  

I didn’t know Rothstein as well as many of my friends did. She shocked me, frightened me, but was supportive of me. 

So, this is dedicated to Rothstein, who died August 4th. She influenced so many people. I know her spirit lives on. So, look for some uncivil, yet productive behavior from those she mentored, because they are everywhere.  

Civility. Share you thoughts, and recent examples of (positive) civility.  

Enjoy. 

Authenticity: Meaningless to Meaningful

In July, I attended the World Domination Summit in Portland, OR, where there was a lot of discussion about Authenticity. The conclusion is, if you're your authentic self, you'll be successful and have a ton fun in life. Authenticity, this week’s word. 

I’m looking for my authentic self. I have a vision of me searching in a jungle, all decked out in khaki, complete with the wide brimmed hat. But instead of a real jungle, it is the thick weeds in my brain that I'm hacking through to find my magical authentic self. There I am in the clearing, a cool woman who knows all, comfortable with herself, immune to what others think and having a blast.

Before I get there, I'm riddled with questions. Am I the good girl the nuns told me I should be? Am I the thin blond, the media tells me I should be? Am I the tough aggressive (not assertive) working girl? No, but I know these life-long influences add to my confusion of who my Authentic self is. 

So what does any girl who grew up in the Cosmo Quiz age do? She turns to the jungle of modern-day quizzes to help her find her authentic self. The best grown-up one I found is StrengthFinders 2.0, which is highly recommended by two people I admire: John R. Dallas, the author of the book this blog is based on, and personal coach, Arlene Butler. 

The quiz doesn’t tell you who your authentic self is, but it does identify your top strengths. These strengths, I believe can be an excellent guide you to your Authenticity. 

If you know me, I don’t think there was any surprise in the results. My strengths are: Woo, Adaptability, Empathy, Communication, and Individualization.

I have to say Woo, (love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over) sounded a bit too whimsical for the real world! But, what is wrong with meeting new people and having them on your side? When I add in being empathetic, communicating well and recognizing their individuality, my woo can be pretty powerful. Therefore, being authentic is powerful. 

I recognize that Authenticity is a buzz word. In a New York Times article about authenticity, Naomi S. Barton, a linguistics professor at American University, believes that authentic has become a fad. Barton believes that it has been used so often, it's actually becoming meaningless.    

No wonder I’m confused about Authenticity, it means so much and yet now nothing? 

I don't believe Authenticity is meaningless, bit overused, but still powerful. Take a look at Urban Dictionary’s definition: Being who you are, listening to yourself and making your own decisions, rather than buying all the crap society foists on you. Keep it real. 

Let me know how you keep it real in a world that tells you otherwise. 

Enjoy being your authentic self. 

And, Happy Birthday to my sister Delia, a true authentic  person.